Of tipsy Easter conversations and modern kids

I am back from Easter, and it is Thursday, and yes, Easter ended on Monday. But to appear like you really had a kick-ass Easter, you have to find a way to not be back on Tuesday then spend Wednesday pretending to be busy catching up, all the while reminding yourself the week has only three working days. Then repeat again, three. Then put a swag to it, thirii!

So we are here, Easter report on Thursday.

The question all around is, has Easter, and all other holidays for that matter, lost meaning? The answer is no, the meaning is still there, but events have changed form. People do stuff differently now.

There is a thing custodians of the law call a precedence. It means something like ‘if it has been done before, it can be done again.’ You know, like if you cheat on your girl and she forgives you, you will cheat again, then demand the same forgiveness. She has set a precedence. Jesus too set one, during the Last Supper.

Which is why we found ourselves drinking together on Thursday evening. Unlike Jesus though, we went a bit further. And the conversation got rolling. About nothing and everything. How we should vie for MCA in 2017. Whether a man should date a woman his age or younger. Whether one day we will also turn into sponsors and pay rentals for perky breasted college girls.

Then the awkward religious stuff. Is it really possible that Jesus was on this planet for over thirty years and still managed to keep it in His pants all the while? That is sensitive even for drunks to pursue, so it drifts to more casual stuff. But why did Jesus decide to wash his disciples’ feet? It must have been an awkward moment.

Jesus: Come on Pete, just your feet, let me do this for you. It’s just the feet…you’ll need to wash them when you get home anyway.

Peter: Lord, are you Okay?

James: Teacher, you are drunk. Man, you need to go home now. What are you doing?

Jesus: Look here, Jim, I’ve been in his liquor business since Canna, I know what I am doing. Trust me. Kwanza you, I’ll have to scrub your feet with a pumice stone.

Judas: Guys, si you let me take care of some little business down south. I’ll be back before you finish this round.

Thomas: Kam na mzinga. Si you have the money?

Judas: Teacher will take care of that…

Such convos kept us up till early Friday, with a good amount of noise to boot. And it seemed it was not just us, because in church Friday, majority attendees were bloodshot and sleepy. There has to be a great respect for Good Friday that brings people to church battered as such. The angel in charge of sin and confession must be busy on this day.


Say, what happened to modern kids? What amuses them, what amazes them, what scares them? I am around at The Rose’s and walking around thinking kids will look at me like a gem and wonder where I come from and admire me, but they are not about that life.

I decide to play an old trick on a bunch of kids.

So I do a mock withdraw of a knife from my pocket as I tease, Kwenda nímúríe matú ( You want me to chop and eat your ears?) It was an old trick that doubled up as a game. If an elder person did that to you, you had to run very fast then stop at a safe distance from where you could safely stop and make fun. Then the elder would make a mock sprint and you would run again and the process would continue.

Apparently, it doesn’t work anymore. If you tease today’s kids like such, they just stand there and ask you questions like ‘Kwani you are hungry?’ and ‘Kwani you are a vampire.’ Worse still, they could tell you, ‘you sure you have a knife on you? Show us!’ Now what is that if not lack of respect?  Somebody teach these modern chimps some culture!




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